Learning Life's Lessons

Today was a day of learning lessons in humility and kindness.

Lesson #1: Words cannot be taken back, and your actions and words will define you throughout your lifetime. Also, the world is a smaller place than you might think, and the past may very well converge on the present. Be mindful of what is said because words echo for a long time after they are spoken.

We received a physician's order to evaluate a stroke patient in the hospital.   The patient is a retired IBMer who still works as a consultant.  Feeling nostalgic, I recounted my IBM career and project history with him, and he recognized my name. As it turns out, we worked on similar performance analysis and test projects back in the early 90s, and he knew (and still interfaces with) some of my former colleagues. I recognized his name, as well, but had no clear recollection of past interactions with him.  In contrast, he remembered vividly his trip to Poughkeepsie and a very specific comment I had made during a meeting. My words had made an indelible impression on him, one which must have carried enough emotional weight to have been burned into his long term storage.  And judging from his face, the recollection was most likely unfavorable, although he was very gracious and did not disclose his discomfort. When pressed regarding our interaction, he said that I had made a "joke" regarding the performance of IMS.  Now, any of you who might have worked on this product in past might feel the comment was justified, but it clearly offended the patient, and that memory is what endured the test of time.  The "joke" was more likely a disparaging remark regarding the product which, true or not, offended him (or at least I think it did). I might have said a million other kind, interesting and positive comments, but those were lost in the shadow of this one comment.

Lesson #2: Acts of kindness and forgiveness do not need to be earned and should be given freely.

My afternoon patient relayed a story to me about reconnecting with a high school friend at his high school reunion 2 years ago. His friend had been the valedictorian of his class, but more recently had been struggling with alcoholism and drug addiction. He is now homeless living in Santa Cruz. Estranged from his family, living either in a tent in the mountains or in a shelter. Since reconnecting at the reunion, my patient has been traveling down to Santa Cruz monthly to treat his friend to a hot meal and a hot shower. Recently, his friend was provided a stark, unfurnished room through government subsidy.  So when my patient went down yesterday for his monthly visit what did he do?  He took his friend shopping and bought him a radio so that he would have entertainment in his otherwise empty room.  Next month he plans to bring him a card table and chairs. What an amazing man. When I probed as to his personal reasons for doing this, his simple answer was "because I figured he needed some help."

Most of you probably don't know this, but my younger sister has been battling alcoholism for over 30 years. Divorced, estranged from family, and in and out of 28 day programs.  We last spoke over 6 years ago, and the conversation was disheartening. At that point, I had decided to extricate myself from the situation for my own good, to protect myself. She was not invited to my wedding.

During the conversation with my patient today, I tried to envision my sister's life.  Was there someone outside the family that had shown her that same level of kindness? Is she being taken care of at some level by strangers? Is she alone?

So, I called her. At first I was really afraid to make the call.  Partly because I had been so negligent with our correspondence, but also because I wasn't sure what I would find on the other end.  Would I be stepping back on an emotional roller coaster? The call was much more benign, and much more healing, than I had imagined. Of course the conversation was a bit stunted, it has been a long time since we communicated and it was difficult to know where to being. And we both have reservations about opening up old wounds. But, we managed.... She is doing well, living in an apartment and participating in a 90day outpatient program. She has a few close friends providing her emotional support.  The sense of relief I feel is palpable...

It's a start. Perhaps Lesson #3 is that it's never too late to say your sorry.

Write-on,
Faith

Exploratorium!

I loved it!  If you live in the bay area and have not been yet, it is a must see.  What an amazing place! It was never on my radar because I always assumed that it would be more enjoyable to go with a family, but Google offered tickets for family night last evening, so we decided to attend.

We rushed out of work at 5:30 on-the-dot with the hope of arriving before 7pm.  Unfortunately, Bay Area Traffic had other ideas for us. As if conspiring against us, each route modification brought with it more traffic congestion. Honestly, it is like no traffic I have ever experienced. Of course, I've never driven in China or India, so I cannot compare, but it is U.S. crazy!    It took almost 2 hours to get from San Jose to San Francisco.  The event was from 6-9, and by the time we found parking it was 7:45PM !!!   ARRGGHH!!  Needless to say, I arrived in a cantankerous mood, questioning our judgement on driving all the way up to SF on a school night! Can you say party-pooper?? (Hey, I heard that!)

It took all of 15 minutes in the Exploratorium to eradicate my bad mood :-)  I can't say which part specifically transformed me: the fun experiential exhibits, the awe on the children's faces, or the huge grin my husband's face as he explained to me the science behind the exhibit :-)   In any event, it was a great time!

I highly recommend it if you have kids, and even more-so if you don't!

Write-on, Faith

50 Days Until 50!

Ok, so now it is really 48 days, but in my defense, I did start this on Monday :-)

Holy time travel, Batman!  I embarked on this blogging journey at the beginning of the year in the hopes of capturing events, thoughts, and emotions as I approached 50. Boy did the time fly, and with only 7 posts written, here we are... The BIG countdown.

Honestly, I'm not really traumatized by the number 50.  It is just another number, and the more we accumulate the better off we are, right?!?!

So, what has been going on this past year?  Well, life in general, but nothing specific. As one would expect, this year is much like any other. Get up, walk the dog, go to work, come home, make dinner, go to bed,  rinse, and repeat.  Why did they tell you to rinse and repeat, by the way? Wasn't the shampoo good enough to clean your hair the first time?

We've had some fun travel this year.  My niece, Alex, graduated from high school in June.  I am so proud of her!  So, Paul and I trekked back East to visit our friend, Ann, in Boston for a few days before attending the graduation and visiting family. Paul had never been to Boston, so it was a lot of fun showing him around.

Right on the heels of that trip, Paul and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary.  Go us!  We celebrated with a weekend in Napa and a hot air balloon ride. It has been a fantastic year, really.  We've started settling in to the old married couple routine and enjoying the everyday pleasures of life together.

Two weeks later, my niece came to visit us for her graduation gift!  I have never had to do so much running in a single week. Oh, to be young again. Lots of trips to San Francisco and the Santa Cruz area. Now she's back in New Hampshire studying to be a math teacher. Did I say I was so proud of her? :-)

In August, it was back on a plane to Pittsburgh for a conference. Paul had studied for his PhD there, so it was fun to share his favorite places with him.


And here we are, in September... October 23rd snapping at my heels.  What's a girl to do?? Go to Kauai, that's what!!  I really can't complain.

Write-on,
Faith