Goals and Expectations

Goals, aspirations, plans and expectations.  These are the things that keep us moving through life with forward momentum, putting one foot in front of the other.  Are these words really synonyms of each other? Is there a causal relationship between them? Some goals are set because of outside societal pressures, these are the things we think we "should" do in life.  Go to college, get a job, buy a house, get married, have babies.  Or is it that we "want" to do them?  Sometimes I feel there is a fine line between goals and expectations.  One person's expectations might turn out to be the other person's goals, in some cases like it or not.

I was thinking about this today as my husband and I continue our home remodel. We bought a "fixer upper" in a neighborhood we both absolutely adore. The remodel was like anyone else's remodel, over priced and imperfect.  Of course, this is my opinion.  Paul is much kinder and less discriminating (sounds very unfair but I couldn't think of another word for "less picky").   He feels we got what we paid for, and he is satisfied with the work, overall. I, on the other hand, feel the devil is in the details.  By details I mean having finish work that is pleasing to the eye.  In this case, I was disappointed.  This has been a sore subject between us. It happens to be the one topic that Paul and I cannot discuss without risk of divorce! and it is all due to expectations, or differing level of expectations. And expectations develop from experiences in life. 

You might say I'm a bit persnickety.  I grew up watching my father do his own patching and painting for many years. He'd work on the project endlessly making sure it the texture was smooth and flawless.  My *expectation* was (there's that word again) that if you pay for something, from an expert, the craftsmanship should be at least as good as my Dad's.  Afterall, he's no expert. On the contrary, contractors do not care in the personal sense whether or not things are perfect.  It's a job. And it's not their home. As a result, we have many imperfections in the finish work at our house that dishearten me.  It really gives me a visceral response when I think of the money spent.

But, I really need to get over it. It is still a nice home in a fabulous neighborhood, with a kitchen to die for.  We can seat 12 for dinner without any issue, and it is a nice open layout for entertaining.  Yet, I harbor this frustration. It is a feeling like we were ripped off by the contractor who did not seem as invested in the finished project as we were. So, to try and move forward, I wrote both a Yelp and an Angie's List review last night, until 12 AM.  I thought I'd feel better, that it would be cathartic and healing. Instead, I feel uncaring and critical, like a bad person. Afraid of karmic retribution. I've reread my review at least 4 times throughout the day, hoping for resolution, but it just didn't come. I found myself seeing other 4 and 5 star reviews for the same contractor and thinking to myself, "what were they thinking,"  rather than feeling like I had gotten it off my chest.  In my review, I made sure to present only the facts as I see them, without implicating Paul or misrepresenting his views. Yet, I feel horrible.  What would give me closure on this issue? I guess the contractor reading the review and contacting us with an apology, but that is unlikely to happen. So, for now, I need to just work on my forgiveness.  They say forgiveness is more for the forgiver than for the forgiven.  If only forgiveness in this case were free.

Write-on,
Faith