2012, Oh what a year!

It has been an amazing year!  Not everything has been easy and enjoyable, but I wouldn't give up a minute of it. Weaved inside each challenging moment was an opportunity to learn, grow, and redefine myself into the best "me" possible.  Here are some highlights from 2012!

1) My first year of marriage.  I couldn't have chosen a better partner for my journey through life. He is kind and compassionate, yet knows his limits and gently places these limits around our life, like sandbags attempting to keep water from overflowing and causing damage.

2) My big 5-0!  Well, considering the alternative I'm glad I made it!  And we celebrating in the best way possible, a trip to Kauai - packed with sunsets, hikes and memories.  What a special time!

3) Travel around the USA including trips to Pittsburgh, Spokane, NYC , Conneticut, and Boston! Phew, am  I tired.


As you might have figured out, I started this blog entry on New Years Eve, 2012, and here it is April 2013... tsk tsk.. I was just returning to my blog to post about other upcoming changes, but felt compelled to complete this post before moving forward.. the winds of change, they are a'comin'

Write on,
Faith

Learning Life's Lessons

Today was a day of learning lessons in humility and kindness.

Lesson #1: Words cannot be taken back, and your actions and words will define you throughout your lifetime. Also, the world is a smaller place than you might think, and the past may very well converge on the present. Be mindful of what is said because words echo for a long time after they are spoken.

We received a physician's order to evaluate a stroke patient in the hospital.   The patient is a retired IBMer who still works as a consultant.  Feeling nostalgic, I recounted my IBM career and project history with him, and he recognized my name. As it turns out, we worked on similar performance analysis and test projects back in the early 90s, and he knew (and still interfaces with) some of my former colleagues. I recognized his name, as well, but had no clear recollection of past interactions with him.  In contrast, he remembered vividly his trip to Poughkeepsie and a very specific comment I had made during a meeting. My words had made an indelible impression on him, one which must have carried enough emotional weight to have been burned into his long term storage.  And judging from his face, the recollection was most likely unfavorable, although he was very gracious and did not disclose his discomfort. When pressed regarding our interaction, he said that I had made a "joke" regarding the performance of IMS.  Now, any of you who might have worked on this product in past might feel the comment was justified, but it clearly offended the patient, and that memory is what endured the test of time.  The "joke" was more likely a disparaging remark regarding the product which, true or not, offended him (or at least I think it did). I might have said a million other kind, interesting and positive comments, but those were lost in the shadow of this one comment.

Lesson #2: Acts of kindness and forgiveness do not need to be earned and should be given freely.

My afternoon patient relayed a story to me about reconnecting with a high school friend at his high school reunion 2 years ago. His friend had been the valedictorian of his class, but more recently had been struggling with alcoholism and drug addiction. He is now homeless living in Santa Cruz. Estranged from his family, living either in a tent in the mountains or in a shelter. Since reconnecting at the reunion, my patient has been traveling down to Santa Cruz monthly to treat his friend to a hot meal and a hot shower. Recently, his friend was provided a stark, unfurnished room through government subsidy.  So when my patient went down yesterday for his monthly visit what did he do?  He took his friend shopping and bought him a radio so that he would have entertainment in his otherwise empty room.  Next month he plans to bring him a card table and chairs. What an amazing man. When I probed as to his personal reasons for doing this, his simple answer was "because I figured he needed some help."

Most of you probably don't know this, but my younger sister has been battling alcoholism for over 30 years. Divorced, estranged from family, and in and out of 28 day programs.  We last spoke over 6 years ago, and the conversation was disheartening. At that point, I had decided to extricate myself from the situation for my own good, to protect myself. She was not invited to my wedding.

During the conversation with my patient today, I tried to envision my sister's life.  Was there someone outside the family that had shown her that same level of kindness? Is she being taken care of at some level by strangers? Is she alone?

So, I called her. At first I was really afraid to make the call.  Partly because I had been so negligent with our correspondence, but also because I wasn't sure what I would find on the other end.  Would I be stepping back on an emotional roller coaster? The call was much more benign, and much more healing, than I had imagined. Of course the conversation was a bit stunted, it has been a long time since we communicated and it was difficult to know where to being. And we both have reservations about opening up old wounds. But, we managed.... She is doing well, living in an apartment and participating in a 90day outpatient program. She has a few close friends providing her emotional support.  The sense of relief I feel is palpable...

It's a start. Perhaps Lesson #3 is that it's never too late to say your sorry.

Write-on,
Faith

Exploratorium!

I loved it!  If you live in the bay area and have not been yet, it is a must see.  What an amazing place! It was never on my radar because I always assumed that it would be more enjoyable to go with a family, but Google offered tickets for family night last evening, so we decided to attend.

We rushed out of work at 5:30 on-the-dot with the hope of arriving before 7pm.  Unfortunately, Bay Area Traffic had other ideas for us. As if conspiring against us, each route modification brought with it more traffic congestion. Honestly, it is like no traffic I have ever experienced. Of course, I've never driven in China or India, so I cannot compare, but it is U.S. crazy!    It took almost 2 hours to get from San Jose to San Francisco.  The event was from 6-9, and by the time we found parking it was 7:45PM !!!   ARRGGHH!!  Needless to say, I arrived in a cantankerous mood, questioning our judgement on driving all the way up to SF on a school night! Can you say party-pooper?? (Hey, I heard that!)

It took all of 15 minutes in the Exploratorium to eradicate my bad mood :-)  I can't say which part specifically transformed me: the fun experiential exhibits, the awe on the children's faces, or the huge grin my husband's face as he explained to me the science behind the exhibit :-)   In any event, it was a great time!

I highly recommend it if you have kids, and even more-so if you don't!

Write-on, Faith

50 Days Until 50!

Ok, so now it is really 48 days, but in my defense, I did start this on Monday :-)

Holy time travel, Batman!  I embarked on this blogging journey at the beginning of the year in the hopes of capturing events, thoughts, and emotions as I approached 50. Boy did the time fly, and with only 7 posts written, here we are... The BIG countdown.

Honestly, I'm not really traumatized by the number 50.  It is just another number, and the more we accumulate the better off we are, right?!?!

So, what has been going on this past year?  Well, life in general, but nothing specific. As one would expect, this year is much like any other. Get up, walk the dog, go to work, come home, make dinner, go to bed,  rinse, and repeat.  Why did they tell you to rinse and repeat, by the way? Wasn't the shampoo good enough to clean your hair the first time?

We've had some fun travel this year.  My niece, Alex, graduated from high school in June.  I am so proud of her!  So, Paul and I trekked back East to visit our friend, Ann, in Boston for a few days before attending the graduation and visiting family. Paul had never been to Boston, so it was a lot of fun showing him around.

Right on the heels of that trip, Paul and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary.  Go us!  We celebrated with a weekend in Napa and a hot air balloon ride. It has been a fantastic year, really.  We've started settling in to the old married couple routine and enjoying the everyday pleasures of life together.

Two weeks later, my niece came to visit us for her graduation gift!  I have never had to do so much running in a single week. Oh, to be young again. Lots of trips to San Francisco and the Santa Cruz area. Now she's back in New Hampshire studying to be a math teacher. Did I say I was so proud of her? :-)

In August, it was back on a plane to Pittsburgh for a conference. Paul had studied for his PhD there, so it was fun to share his favorite places with him.


And here we are, in September... October 23rd snapping at my heels.  What's a girl to do?? Go to Kauai, that's what!!  I really can't complain.

Write-on,
Faith

Work, job, career...

Some people use these words interchangeably.  For me, though, they are quite different.  Work is..well..work. It is not necessarily enjoyable, although you might get satisfaction from completing the task.  It is a means of making a livelihood for paying bills and enjoying vacations, but implied in the name, at least to me,  is a lack of enjoyment, growth, or specialization. The dictionary suggests that a "job" is a piece of work.  I couldn't agree more, my job has certainly been a piece of work lately!

A career is something completely different.  The word implies growth and change.  Learning new things and keeping interests fresh.  What makes a career different than a job is the ability to learn new things, grow mentally, and develop yourself and your position over time. It keeps you from becoming stagnant and bored.

Lately, my career has become a job.  I love the work that I do, working with people and helping to meet there communication goals, but I've been doing the same type of work for the past 8 years with the same company,  without a chance of growth or promotion.  I feel as stagnant as the perc ponds on hot summers day in San Jose. I have spoken to management about this, but I am at the highest level allowed.  Need for productivity prevents me from carving out large chunks of time to grow new skills, and the lack of support from my management makes it difficult to spend money developing the speech therapy program further. Ultimately, though, the real limitation is that I have noone to learn from and the team does not seem interested in develop programs in the department.

So, what's a girl to do?  I've been asking myself this for the last few months. I find myself dragging my feet getting into work in the morning and chomping at the bit to leave at the end of the day.  I'm not old enough to retire (although retirement gets closer and closer), and I am not one to be idle. I am fortunate enough to be in a position to take a break and do something new, but what will that be?

I've toyed with the idea of going back to school and getting my phD.  This would, of course, be for growth purposes, but would not improve my salary potential.  As a matter of fact, if I decide to teach after obtaining the phD, I'll probably take a reduction in pay... I know, hard to believe! Still it may be worth doing as a change of direction..

Other thoughts include, volunteering for the ALS association or Parkinson's Institute, learning to play an instrument, or becoming a veterinary technician :-)  As you can see, I'm all over the place on this.

One thing I know for sure, I cannot do the same thing, unchanged, for the next 10 years until retirement.  And a retirement package/pension is not enough to keep me in a "job" for 10 more years if I am not learning and growing.

The future is out there... I feel I am at a turning point right now, and I need to explore in which direction I should turn.

Write-on,
Faith

Tomato, tomahto!

Currently our back yard is, shall we say, under construction. Actually, the correct term might really be "waiting" for construction. Paul and I spent most of the winter and spring performing DEstruction on the backyard. Removing 14 cypress trees, an overgrown mulberry tree and a concrete path.  Since then, the yard has been barren, waiting for us to landscape. Harboring weeds like an escaped convict... waiting, just waiting.. 

EXCEPT for the 12 tomato plants I decided to buy at the Santa Clara Master Gardeners plant sale in the spring.  WHAT WAS I THINKING!!  In my defense, I had an accomplice.  My next door neighbor :-)  Of course, she has a family of 4 to feed!

Paul has been a very supportive husband on this project.  Rather than planting the tomatoes directly into the ground (since we hope the ground will be landscaped sometime before winter) we decided to do a planter/bucket/earthbox style garden. We lovingly, and appropriately, call it the "homer bucket" garden!  Paul drilled drainage holes into 10 beautiful, orange, home buckets... We filled them with a mix of potting soil and horse manure compost... and away we went.  Naively, I just assumed nature would take its course. A little water here, a little water there.. At first, the plants grew like weeds!  Tall and leafy... yay, me! I rock at this gardening thing. Seriously, how hard is it :-)  But over time, the leaves and plants went from a rich green to a yellow-ish color. They were producing fruit, but the plant itself wasn't looking too happy.   


In contrast, the two plants we planted in an "EarthTainer" - think EarthBox made out of rubbermaid storage containers - were flourishing. Ginormous, green, leafy plants - with absolutely no tomatoes.. hmmm, no tomatoes.. 


So, I searched the internet and consulted my gardenweb sources. They recommended fertilizing the tomato plants as the nutrients leach out of the soil with watering.  So,  I started feeding the "homer bucket" garden with fish emulsion and tomato food. All organic, of course!  Have you ever smelled that fish emulsion stuff - peeeuuuuu.. Lexi LOVES LOVES LOVES it :-)  The plants rebounded and have been producing abundantly..  


In contrast, the EarthTainer plants still are not producing.  Well, that's a bit unfair. I've had to sacrifice at least 20 tomatoes due to blossom end rot.  I've tried adding calcium to the water, but it hasn't seemed to improve the situation.  And, I don't see new tomatoes cropping up. Paul created a float valve watering system for more even watering of this setup, and we are crossing our fingers.. the jury is still out on this setup. 


So far, we've harvested probably 15 pounds of tomatoes from the "homer bucket" garden. I have been counting the number of tomatoes rather than the pounds as was suggested by my very smart husband.  Next year I'll be smarter about it and measure by weight! 


So far we've made Pico de Gallo, tomato pizza, caprese salad, spaghetti sauce, pasta with tomatoes, caprese salad, more pizza, caprese salad, chick peas in a red curry sauce, salad with tomatoes... you get the picture! Anyone need some tomatoes! 


Here are some pictures of our project, enjoy! 

Write-on,
Faith

The present is a present

What a beautiful, warm evening in San Jose, California! Lexi and I are sitting out on the front patio enjoying the evening.  There is a view of the hills to our right, and if I stand on my tippy-toes I can see Mount Hamilton to the left.  Lexi is laying at my feet while I read the daily newspaper.  A nice glass of Hefeweizen is next to me.   I know, I know, life really is hard :-)

And just when you think it can get any better,  our neighbor's children start playing a piano and violin duet.

And just like that, there it is.. one of those enviable moments in life when the world just feels so right.  Like a glimpse of a beautiful sunset on a hike or the fragrance of flowers on a Lexi walk.  One of those moments when you just have to stop whatever you are doing to be present in the moment.

What I have come to realize is that these moments in time are all around us, but we need to be there to receive them.  They are gone in a flash, easily missed between chores and work. Subtle, yet strong, just waiting to be noticed.

 In a funny way, this just reminded me of my wedding day.  Paul and I were dancing and visiting, eating cake, and participating in typical wedding procedures when, finally, we stopped to look up at the mountains and appreciate the day, the moment, and our lives together.  I know I was present during the vows because I can remember every part of the ceremony.  Yet, once the reception started, the evening became a blur. Perhaps it was the limoncello :-)  But I suspect it was more about the energy and movement of the reception that blurred the edges of time. Moving us through the reception in such a way that the present was gone before we had an opportunity to soak it in.... until that moment when the hills caught my eye and took my breath away.  And I realized I was married to an amazing man.. Lucky me..

Write-on,
Faith